First deserve, and then desire
by RaphaelHeya
Summary: After a tragedy, Santana comes back to the people that left her when she was just a kid. She thought she would find closure, but is it possible she found more than that? (Rated: M for future chapters)
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **First deserve, and then desire

**Rating : **M/NC-17

**Genre :** Romance/Angst

**Summary :** After a tragedy, Santana comes back to the people that left her when she was just a kid. She thought she would find closure, but is it possible she found more than that? (Rated: M for future chapters)

**Author's note : **Hey ! Sorry for the short chapter here, but I promise the others will be longer. Enjoy the story, next chapter will come up soon!

Santana had no idea how she found herself in this situation. Everything was going fine for her, she had a nice job at a law firm, had a nice flat in L.A, and Quinn, her best friend. She was in her office when her boss, M. Figgings came in and told her the news.

She didn't know how to react to that, she haven't seen her father in 16 years when he took her sister, Rachel, and left. Now, he is dead, and all she feels is empty. She had always thought she would be happy the day he died, but she didn't.

That's why she came to his funeral. From afar, she could see her sister crying around a bunch of people she didn't know. She thought that coming today would offer her some sort of closure but it didn't. If anything, it made her feel worse.

Shaking her head, she decided to leave when she saw _her_. She couldn't see her very well from where she was, but she could tell the woman was beautiful. Blonde and tall. She was holding Rachel as she cried for their dad. She was transfixed by this blonde beauty and couldn't help but stare. Her long legs that, it seemed, went on for miles, the way this black dress enhanced her chest… She was so caught in her staring contest, that she didn't notice people were starting to leave. Soon, there were only a couple of people left, and herself.

That's when she met the bluest of eyes she had ever seen. Even bluer than the sky itself. She was stuck where she was, she couldn't move, couldn't do anything but drown in those eyes. The blonde didn't seem to have this problem, as she whispered something in Rachel's ears. She looked up abruptly, and she knew Rachel recognized her, if the way her eyes widened almost comically, or the way her jaw almost hit the floor, was anything to go by.

But Santana wasn't ready for that sort of reunion. She didn't come here for that. So she turned away and started to exit the cemetery.

" Wait!"

Even Rachel's scream didn't stop her, she just ran. Ran away from her dad, from Rachel, from her past demons that seemed to have caught up with her. She knew it was a bad idea to come here. Stupid Quinn for convincing her that she needed it. It's the last time Santana will listen to her.

The brunette got into her car and started to drive on her way to her hotel. She would leave tonight. She just couldn't handle it. But behind her tears, Santana didn't see the car that was following her.


	2. Chapter 2

Once in the safety of her hotel room, Santana fell face first on her bed. Seeing her sister made all of her old feelings come back to her. Back in Boston, Santana was 6 when her dad took Rachel and left her and her mom. She couldn't understand why they left her with the woman that made her life a living hell. Julia, her mother, was an alcoholic. That's why, her dad, Anthony, left. She was at school when that happened. When she came back home that day, she found her mother passed out on the couch and no sign of her dad or Rachel. She cried for days after that, and when her mother understood that her husband left her, she took it out on Santana.

But what was really driving the latina insane, was that blonde girl who wouldn't leave her mind. She couldn't get her out of her head, those eyes so hypnotic, this perfect face, those long legs. She didn't even know her name, but she was already obsessing over her. It frustrated her to no end. She put her pillow on her face and screamed in it, hoping it would bring her some kind of release.

The brunette was saved from her torment by a knock at the door. She had no idea who it could be, she wasn't waiting for anyone, she just wanted to be left alone. She got up from the bed with a groan. The person on the other side of the door obviously was impatient as they didn't let up on the knocking, which made the latina in an even more bad mood.

"Coming, jeez"

Opening the door, Santana stayed dumfounded facing her visitor. Of course Rachel would follow her here, she should have known. From what she remembered of her older sister, she was always stubborn and determined. Of course she wouldn't leave Santana alone after seeing her.

"Hi… Can I come in?" She said in a timid voice.

Without saying a word, the latina stepped aside, letting her long lost sister come in her room, and more importantly, if Rachel has a say in this, in her life. She didn't know if she was ready for that. The petite brunette looked around her, probably to avoid eye contact. Her body language was screaming awkward.

"Are you going to tell me why you are here or what?" Santana snapped, which made the other brunette flinch slightly.

"I saw you at the funeral… At first, I wasn't sure if it was you or not, so I followed you here. I must admit I did not think this through. I… I can't believe you are here." Rachel looked at her with teary eyes and her voice was shaking. It made Santana look away, she couldn't handle the pain she saw in her sister's eyes. _Why the hell is she crying, I should be the one crying right now._ "Santana… please, s-say something."

"What do you want me to say?" The latina almost yelled. She knew it wasn't fair being mad at her sister, considering she had no choice in the matter, she was only 10 when they left, but she couldn't help but resent her. It's like her dad chose Rachel over her and Santana couldn't understand why.

"Why were you at the funeral? I mean, not that you shouldn't have been there, that's not what I'm saying-…"

"Rachel, you are rambling." The brunette cut her off. "And, I don't know… My boss told me the news about him and I guess I just wanted to dance on his grave."

"San, don't say that… "

"Why not?"

"Because I know you don't mean it.." she said in a quiet voice, almost a whisper. And she was right, she didn't mean it, but like hell she would say it out loud.

"Yes, I do!" she said, crossing her arms over her chest. After that statement, the tension in the air was almost unbearable. For the first time since Rachel put a foot in her hotel room, Santana really took in her appearance. She was shorter than her, and you really couldn't tell they were sisters, aside from their dark hair, they were completely different. While Santana took her latina looks after her mother, Rachel looked more like their dad. _How ironic._

"Look, San, I wanted to say that I'm really sorry for what happened… You must believe me. I was looking for you everywhere, and one day dad told me you were dead. Dead, Santana! I never forgave him for leaving you like that, never. Please, just… I know we can't forget the past and do like nothing happened, but please… I really want you in my life. Now that I found you, I can't lose you again. I won't be able to handle it."

They were both crying by the end of Rachel's speech, but Santana was too proud to say anything. She couldn't, she had just no answer to that. Could she really put her resentment aside and move on? She knew the petite brunette wasn't responsible for what happened, but it still hurt. Especially when her mother's voice came back, haunting her.

_Even your dad knew you are worthless, that's why he took your sister away and not you. You are nothing, just like me. _

Shaking her head, Santana was surprised that she didn't notice Rachel moving and she certainly didn't expect her to hug her so tightly. The latina could feel her sister's body shaking uncontrollably, the tears moistening her neck and her hand holding tightly to her shirt as if she was afraid that if she let go, Santana would disappear. With shaking hands, Santana returned the hug and let her sister cry, her own tears silently rolling down her cheeks. She didn't know how much time they stayed like this, in the middle of the room, but after a while, Rachel's sobs subsisted. She moved away from the embrace and Santana watched her with sad eyes. She was too tired to put up her walls, and seeing her sister so broken over this made it even more difficult. Even though she wanted to hate her, she knew she couldn't. It wasn't her fault. Realizing this made Santana feel lighter somehow. Maybe Quinn was right, maybe it was a good idea to come here.

"Please, just… I know that you probably won't stay here forever, but at least, come stay with us at our house. I have a guest room, and I swear I won't be in your way. No one will mind and we have guest rooms. I just want to start over. Please, say yes." The latina didn't miss the way Rachel said _we_ in her sentence. Who was she talking about?

"Wait, who do you live with?"

"Oh, well there is Brittany, my wife. And Holly, dad's… new wife and Jared our… brother."

Santana's jaw almost hit the floor. Her sister was gay. That was unexpected. And, her dad remarried and even had another child with this person. That's… a lot to take in. She didn't even have the time to even process those information as a phone started ringing. The petite brunette took the device out of her pocket, checked the I.D and finally answered.

"Hello… Yeah, I did…. No, no… I…, wait Britt, no… I'm fine, I'm sorry I scared you. Yes, I know, I will explain everything I swear. You are back home? …. Okay. Hey, you won't mind if someone comes live with us for a while? I will explain I swear, but… No?... Britt, you are amazing…. Yes, I'm on my way…. I love you too."

The latina stared at her sister like she grew two heads. So she didn't have a choice in this? As if reading her thoughts, Rachel answered her not-asked question.

"No, you have no choice in the matter. I promise, everything will be alright, and no one will mind. I just want us to start over, like I told you. Please, San, please!"

Santana simply rolled her eyes, knowing she lost this argument. She was leaving in a couple of days anyways, so it wasn't really a big deal. With Rachel's help, she started packing her stuff and in less than 10 minutes, they were on their way to her house. The latina didn't know what to expect, but this was sure going to be interesting. _And who knows, maybe she can introduce me to that blonde hottie. _


	3. Chapter 3

Fifteen minutes later, they were standing in front of Rachel's house. It didn't seem really impressive, but it looked cosy, even from the outside, she could tell. Santana was kinda nervious about meeting everyone, especially Jared, her brother apparently, but the petite brunette seemed oblivious as they both made their way inside the house.

"Hey, we are here!" Rachel yelled.

The latina looked around and couldn't help but be slightly jealous. The house screamed family and love. You couldn't help but feel at home. She had never managed to feel this in her life, not even at Quinn's. It was kinda weird. But she couldn't dwell on it too much as a blonde woman, in her late forties, came from another room and stopped right in front of Santana.

"Hey sweet cheeks. You must be Santana right? I've heard so much about you, it's great to put a face to a name." She said in a sweet voice. "I'm Holly."

The latina looked at her and smiled, a small genuine smile. So this woman was the one her father remarried with. She was the opposite of her mom. She looked easy going and also really easy on the eyes. Not that her mother was ugly, because let's face it, Santana was pretty hot herself, and she knew it, but there was something about the blonde woman in front of her that she couldn't quite place yet. But, she could tell she already liked her.

"Yeah, that's me. Nice to meet you."

Even though she felt she could be at ease with Holly, Santana still felt somewhat awkward. It was probably because she hadn't met her brother or her sister-in-law yet. That's when she noticed Rachel with her bag, where she put all of her stuff she took with her on her trip to Lima.

"I'm going to put your stuff in the guest room." Rachel said. "And then I'll give you the grand tour." She then turned to Holly. "Where are Britt and Jared?"

"They left a little while ago to go on a run. Jared needed to get out of the house I guess… I was waiting for you here, they should get back soon." Holly said with a sad smile. Rachel simply nodded and climbed the stairs where, she guessed, the rooms were.

Santana was even more nervous now. She was hoping she could meet them and get it over with. So, if they didn't get along, she would go through her initial plan and leave tonight instead of staying for a few days. But now, she had to wait god knows how long instead.

"Can I get you something to drink?" She almost jumped by hearing Holly's voice. She had almost forgotten that she was in the room.

"Water would be great, thank you." The latina said, following her step-mother in the kitchen.

"Santana, I just wanted to say that I'm really glad to meet you and that you are here. Your father told me a lot about you." Holly said softly, giving the brunette her water bottle.

The latina was taken aback by the statement. Her father talked about her? That's new, she thought he forgot about her.

"Oh really?" She scoffed. "Did he even remember me?" her voice was bitter, she couldn't help it. The man left her with an abusive mother, she had a right to be angry. Holly simply offered her a small smile.

"Yes, he did. He told me all about you and how much he-…" She was cut off by somebody clearing her throat. They both turned towards the sound and suddenly, Santana couldn't breathe. The blonde beauty was in front of her, smiling at her. She was gorgeous and she couldn't help but let her eyes roam over the blonde's body. It looked even more amazing up close.

"Hi, I'm Brittany. You must be Santana…"

_She has an amazing voice. _The latina couldn't help but think. Then, it hit her. Brittany. Brittany as in Rachel's wife. Brittany as in her sister-in-law. Of course, just her luck. She almost groaned out loud but she quickly realized that she hadn't answered the blonde yet.

"Uhm, yeah… I.. yeah." She rolled her eyes at herself before clearing her throat. "Nice to meet you."

Both blondes had amused smiles plastered on their faces and Santana quickly avoided eye contact with both of them. Now, that was awkward. Luckily for her, Rachel saved her from further embarrassment when she came into the room.

"Britt, you are home." She said before kissing her softly on the lips. The brunette narrowed her eyes at the sight, feeling a pang of jealousy. It was ridiculous, Brittany was Rachel's wife, and she only just met her a couple minutes ago. _Get a hold of yourself Lopez. _From the corner of her eyes, she could see Holly studying her silently, a thoughtful expression on her face.

"I see you met Santana. "

"Yes, I did." Brittany looked over the latina with a smirk on her face, which got her blushing. _NO! Santana Lopez don't do blushing. Big fat no._ Rachel beamed at her, once again oblivious to her sister's discomfort. However, Brittany seemed to enjoy it greatly, knowing she was having an effect on the sexy latina.

**Sorry for the wait guys, it's been a while, I know! No excuses, I'm just sorry! **


End file.
